Biting Into Life

I’m watching Goldfinches and a Brown Thrasher eating sunflower seeds and suet. Mr. Bluebird just swooped in and pecked at a squirrel that was drinking from our birdbath! The squirrel (I am not exaggerating) froze, in shock, then fell backwards to the ground in a spastic twirl. Mr. Bluebird has babes in the nest a few feet away. He has also chased away several Blue Jays and a large Red Bellied Woodpecker today. He means business. 

Protecting, eating, and reproducing - that is what compels these winged beauties - all day, every day. 

What compels us? 

When we are just trying to make enough food to feed our families or ourselves, to keep a roof over our heads, to stay healthy so we don’t have Doctor bills, what compels us is survival. 

But when we are not in that place, what then? When we've healed any childhood wounds and are giving the next generation lots of unconditional love? What then? What about when we have a choice, not only about what we eat but also what we get to do with our time? What do we do with this privilege?

Am I really using this newsletter to ask such a giant question? I think I am. I have been thinking about it since I was seven years old, walking down the cobblestoned streets in Boston’s Back Bay. We were allowed to walk alone as kids then, to the dentist, to school, to buy mom cigarettes at Guild’s Drug Store, four big city blocks away. On these walks, I would muse about the question - Why are we here?

Lately, I have watched some amazing biographies - George Harrison, The Bee Gees, The Cave Digger (so interesting, and directed by my newly discovered cousin, once removed; it was nominated for an Academy Award for best short documentary when it came out.) Now, we are watching Hemingway. There is much to learn from seeing a life in its entirety. So many choices, trips, falls  and lessons. 

Sometimes I wish I were a bird.

Of course, I wouldn’t be able to eat lobster or sing along to the Stones while dance-cook-ing dinner. I wouldn’t have been able to see a few of you completely transform your relationship to food and rejoice over your new found energy and health. I wouldn’t have had such a great first kiss with this amazing second husband. I wouldn’t be filled with wonder in the Spring and hibernating cozy bliss in the winter. I wouldn’t know my children past the time they needed me to feed them! As a sweet songbird, my tasks would be simple, but oh how much I would (albeit unknowingly) miss. 

I want to bite fully into life while still keeping my teeth and good health intact. This means indulging in what makes me giddy or worthwhile, not just counting on the moments when I get to have another ice cream, red wine or piece of chocolate. When life is full and we are present, truly aware, we are not so reliant on the treat at the end of the day. We can have the occasional indulgence without sugar or alcohol becoming a lifeline. Here I am indulging in a gluten free chocolate croissant on a much anticipated trip to Paris, a few years ago. 
 

Forgive me for over-simplifying. It is not always easy. 
Here’s to understanding what compels us.
 

With love,

Madeline